FlickrWhen we’re children, we tend to think of grown-ups as being wise, clever and kind. Surely they all adhere to the same standards, live in similar houses and think the same way? As you get older, you tend to look at adults as children who grew up, and aren’t simply adults who are static in time. People grow and learn, and sometimes this means that they don’t turn out for the better. Sometimes, people have bad weeks or periods of sustained depression that have adverse effects on how they behave around people.
As an adult, the ‘bully’ phenomena doesn’t really go away. It’s likely you’ve seen some workplace bullying on your university course, in your place of work, or another environment. It could even occur in the school playground between parents while the schoolchildren are being taught the problems with bullying in class. People aren’t guaranteed to behave better with age. Your child might ask you: “How do you handle bullies, teasers and meanies?” You might feel at a loss for words when you realize that you don’t know how to deal with them yourself in your daily life. What does improve though, is how you might learn to deal with it.
This article will help you navigate the tough waters of being an adult, and coming into contact with the unscrupulous sort that we all encounter once in awhile.
Assess Your Friendship Group
The best part of being an adult is that you can cut fake friendships at the root, and this includes pretty much everyone who isn’t dedicated to supporting you, and you them when needs be. Of course, don’t cut out your friendship groups if they are critical of you in your best interests. A good friend isn’t afraid to call you out when you’re acting negatively or making a silly decision, but as a friend, they should make sure that they continue this discussion instead of just blanket blaming you.
Having a tight-knit group of friends allows you to weed out the negative people from your life, and become happier in your support network. As you get older, friends become much less about quantity and much more about quality – this extends to all aspects of the exchange. Having one, two or three friends solely isn’t something to be ashamed of, as long as you’re working to your best to sustain the relationship. If you genuinely enjoy hanging around each other, this should happen naturally. The best friendships are never forced.
Be Supportive
Support and be supported by the genuine links you have around you. Finding ‘your tribe’ and becoming close-knit with them will introduce you to more like-minded people and as a result increase your circle of friendship to the point where people you don’t gel with can be duly ignored.
Respect Yourself
If you encounter a negative or toxic person at work or anywhere else that forces you to experience repeat contact with them, respecting yourself enough to ignore their baiting is enough to help you show them that some boundaries cannot be crossed. Immediately acting in your best interests, and not the interests that will ‘appease’ the bully, will make the bully know that you are not to be trifled with. Bullies enjoy picking on the weak, and so if they know you aren’t weak, they’re unlikely to come for you.
Self-respect can be developed in some ways and requires constant work. Exercise, meditation, being competent in your responsibilities and keeping a strong, balanced perspective on life can make you feel much less inclined to feel weak around a potential bully who’s sole purpose is to look for weakness. If you’re a parent, remember, you’ve already done the hardest job a human being can do. What can this silly person at work do to you?
Hold yourself to the highest standard, and you’re sure to navigate the situation well.
Do What Makes You Happy
If you’re focused on the things in your life that you actually take enjoyment from, you’re much less likely to be worried about the people who come into your life to try and cause chaos. Usually, people who are unfulfilled are the prime targets for these people, because they know that they are easily manipulated. As a person who is steadfast in enjoying what they themselves want to experience, you’re much less likely to invite these people in your life, because they bring no value to it.
Ignore
Ignoring is largely your best tactic. These people are looking for problems to feed off of, hurt feelings to extract and widen of their own accord. Remember, some people are actually wired this way. Sociopaths and psychopaths are both dysfunctional personality types that do exist, and depending on your chosen career, you might be more exposed to them than other people.
For example, the high flying stock markets and high executive positions in large corporations are usually playgrounds for psychopaths, because the rules of running a corporation demands a certain ruthlessness and singular vision. This doesn’t mean you should change careers to best avoid these people, but you should just be aware of the type of people you can come across and that you might have to deal with them more regularly than most people. Ignoring them is a good starting point.
Focus On Your Own Love
If you have sources of genuine love in your life, either from family members, a spouse, a boyfriend/girlfriend or any other form of love that’s not so easily defined, you’re much more likely to be defensive of your side of the exchange. This is because you are already getting all you need from other people.
Be Comfortable In Your Skin
Everyone has flaws, and everyone has insecurities. It is a normal part of being a human. However, having these insecurities turned against you is one of the major and preferred tactics of any bully. However, why should you let someone else define you? If they cross that line, let them know in no uncertain terms about it, and also let it go immediately.
Worrying about what someone who isn’t worth your time thinks of you is a fast way to accept what they say is true. Also, don’t waste your time in hate. If you do, they have won the entire exchange, because you are carrying that person with you, both mentally and emotionally. They will have already nested inside your psyche, and that’s the opposite of what they should be. Remember, if you don’t respect them, there is zero reason to think of them.
Accept The Flaws Of Other People
Noone is perfect. You have just been unfortunate to come into contact with someone who might have more flaws than those you have encountered in the past. But at the same time, try and look at it with a sort of ‘whole perspective.’ If there were no ‘nasty’ people in the world, you wouldn’t know you were nice. So in essence, you are intrinsically reliant on the bad people to understand your place in the world, and to define what you mean by ‘being a good person.’ Without this full spectrum of individuals, the world would be a less complete place.
Accept You Have Your Own Flaws
However, there’s no need for you to get all high and mighty about noticing the flaws in other people. Remember, you most likely have plenty to contend with yourself. No human being is perfect, and worrying about the flaws in another person can blind you to the flaws in yourself. In fact, it’s likely that in some point of your life, you have been hurtful to another person, and given them reason to doubt themselves, either indirectly or directly.
This is just part of being a human. Living a good life doesn’t come with its own instruction manual, and as a young child, teenager and adult the process of becoming a person means that you’re undoubtedly going to make mistakes at some point or another.
Stick Up For Yourself
The most important part of this list is condensed into this last heading. Stick up for yourself. Bullies are usually weak people. Strong people don’t bully. Bullies desire the path of least resistance. Remember, they are bullying to feel strong within themselves. If you let them know just how pathetic that attempt is through your action, they are much less likely to try their idiocy with you again. You’ll hear many tidbits of advice from all corners of the internet telling you to ‘turn the other cheek’ and to ‘forget about the whole thing,’ but if it’s a real, sustained bullying attempt taken on by a bully, then you have no other option but to approach the situation directly.
There’s no shame in sticking up for yourself. You just need to be wise about it. Fighting is NEVER encouraged, but a stern word is always effective. If you are in a situation in which you worry for your safety, immediately call the police, or let the relevant authorities at your workplace know about it.
Get as many people aware of the situation as you can, and don’t bury your head in the sand.
Remember, you never, never, never deserve to experience bullying, no matter how low your self-esteem might be that week. Always, always, always take action.
Teach all of these considerations to your children, and you will both be all the stronger for it.
